👋 Welcome to The Good Dad blog!
In September 2019, I decided to separate from my wife. We had an infant daughter together and I wanted my daughter to have the best possible upbringing, and I knew that couldn’t happen if my ex-wife and I stayed together.
The pain and suffering that simply walking away caused, the mistakes I made along the way and the time I lost overall with my daughter made me want to write this blog, so that other Dads can learn from my mistakes. Co-parenting doesn’t have to be difficult, and it can even be amicable, but it needs to start with two mature adults agreeing to put their children first.
Unfortunately in my situation, my ex-wife continually put herself first, and this made the entire divorce process and separation painful for everyone involved, and sadly my daughter is the one who lost out the most.
So my plan is to share my own experiences including a backstory of how I got to where I am, and then share the advice I wish someone had given me when I first started down this road.
Some things I will discuss:
- Why you should keep information flow to your soon-to-be ex-partner to a minimum
- What to expect during a divorce process
- How to handle the emotional aspects that us gents don’t like to talk about, such as the separation guilt
- What rights you have as a father
- Spotting the signs of an abusive partner
- How to plan your separation and divorce
- Why you have more rights to be with your children than you may realise
- and more…
I want to share my own story here as widely as possible, please have a read and share if you can 🙏
I hope sharing my own story will help others in two main ways:
- Seeing some of the indicators I talk through that aren’t normal, might help someone else realise they’re in a toxic and/or abusive relationship
- Abuse is not something that just happens to women, men are abused every day and it often goes unreported as men are expected to deal with it themselves. My back story is a story of an abusive ex-partner and the road to freedom, and I want victims of abuse to seek the help and support they need, and know they too can be free one day
The UK court system, Child Maintenance service and mediation services are unfortunately very biased against men. My ex-wife refused to give me more than a day a fortnight with my daughter, and I couldn’t do much about it legally.
My ex-wife refused mediation until she found out I could take her straight to court if she refused, then once we attended mediation, the mediator spent more than 80% of the 2 and a quarter hour session, speaking to my ex-wife in private, despite the fact that I fought for months to have the mediation session in the first place.
I started this blog because I believe fathers deserve a fair go. There are many many good fathers out there who are dying to spend time with their children, but are being shut out in the cold because of an archaic legal system. I’ve had case workers, CMS staff and solicitors tell me to lobby my local MP for change as they all believe our system is broken.
Please share this blog wherever you can.
Spread the word for the good fathers out there ✊